Daily Thoughts of a Parent

  1. It's too early.
  2. Where's the coffee?
  3. Why are they all talking at once?
  4. Oh my god stop hitting your brother until I have more coffee
  5. Why can't this be the 60's so that you can just wander outside for 10 hours a day?
  6. What do you mean "why" just do what I said!
  7. You're driving me crazy
  8. I feel actually insane
  9. I've lost my damn mind, it's happened.
  10. I don't care if you don't like kale, no one likes kale, just pretend to like it so I can post this picture on social media and everyone will see that I am superior parent to them
  11. Now I feel guilty for being a superior parent so I'm going to take a picture of your messy ass face and post it while you tantrum with the hashtags #RealLife #MomLife #authentic so people still know I'm one of them
  12. If I have coffee after 5 will I be up all night?
  13. Why are these kids awake all the time? I just want to have sex at a decent hour and then fall asleep
  14. Go to bed
  15. GO TO BED
  16. Go to FUCKING BED
  17. Oh my God, look at their precious little sleeping faces. I was too hard on them today. Tomorrow I will be kind every single second and cherish everything they say and do.
  18. Repeat.