Things I Wish I Could Say to My Old Pastor

  1. Did you understand the impact your actions would have?
    Obviously you knew having an affair was stupid, but did you know it would kill your marriage, almost kill another, and rip our church apart?
  2. Did you feel as bad as your should have?
    You're a narcissist. You approach life like it was made to give you what you want- even when it's your best friends wife. Does this eat you up inside? It should.
  3. Why didn't you leave?
    When your stupid elders (cronies) accepted her resignation but not yours- you should have disappeared anyway. No one can "refuse your resignation" you idiot. That was a terrible excuse. You should have gone away.
  4. Do THEY know?
    It's been 2 years. Do you care? I know you've moved away and I know you pastor other people now. How could you? Do they even know that they are receiving the word of God from a fake? Are you flirting with one of their wives? You never told your own congregation the whole truth, I doubt you have told them. You'd rather people worship you.
  5. Do you ever think about us?
    The small people like my husband and I, who loved the church and carried it on our backs. We would have, and did, do anything for that church. He's different in ways that you wouldn't realize. Some of the healing that I received about men was undone by you. You left scars on us... Do you even think about us?
  6. I forgive you.
    I don't want to. I still don't trust you. I still hate the choices you made and continue to make. It's not the typical type of forgiveness that comes with good will and cheerfulness, but a type forged with intentionality and the understanding that to forgive you is to release you because I can not go on carrying your dead ass weight around the world with me.
  7. I hope you can be well
    And free from all misconceptions you carry about what you did and how it affected us all. I hope you can be well in your spirit and make choices that are beneficial to you and to the body of believers that surround you.