Makeshift 10:30 p.m. Pizza

A deconstructed and very haute cuisine dish
  1. You will need...
  2. Triscuits™ crackers
  3. Shredded cheese of some sort
  4. Roasted cherry tomatoes
    From Gwyneth Paltrow's cookbook "My Father's Daughter." These are actually super easy and so good. They have the consistency of pre-sauce. The only way I can eat tomatoes is if they are cooked, so you can trust me on this.
  5. Method:
  6. Spread Triscuit™ crackers evenly across a microwave safe plate.
    Add as many as you'd like, depending on the length of the Netflix content you will binge while eating.
  7. Coat Triscuit™ crackers with a hefty pile of shredded cheese.
    If you don't have fresh-made cheese, store bought is fine.
  8. Scoop the almost-crushed tomatoes on top of the cheese.
    Talk to yourself like you're a contestant on "The Next Food Network Star" explaining your process to the obviously disinterested camera operator. THE CLOCK IS TICKING AND SAUNDRA's deconstructed corndogs look hella good YOU BETTER STEP IT UP IF YOU WANNA IMPRESS GIADA AND BOBBY FLAY AND THAT RANDO FOOD NETWORK EXEC
  9. Slide plate into your "pizza oven" or "microwave"
    Set the timer for 30 seconds. Use this brief second to half-heartedly convince yourself of a 3 mile run in the morning.
  10. VOILÀ!
    Your food is ready. Take your plate to your bed. Close the door. Put on Neflix and eat in semidarkness.