FIVE THINGS YOU GET JUDGED BY WHEN YOU ARE DOING AN EYE EXAM

no body likes being asked 5 questions in a row. nobody
  1. were you on time? if so, or praise the heavens, you were early. GOLD STAR. you might get an extra few months added to your expiration date, or a couple free contact lens trials. if not, SHAME ON YOU. sit in your chair, and think about what you've done. or reschedule when you think you can show up like a normal adult.
  2. how clean are your spectacles/contact lenses? do you have stinky green nosepads? are your contacts covered in slime? does your case look like you've been storing it in a Taun-Taun?
  3. can you follow directions? look straight ahead, don't follow the light----keep your head still, and just move your eyes as they follow my hand------if you need to cough, go ahead and turn your head. seems easy enough? Fails all day long with these ones.
  4. are you a cry baby? no, the light is not going to burn your retinas. the drops don't feel like Satan's Piss--- no one has died in this office. today anway. you're going to make it out of here, here's a sucker for you---believe me, you'll feel better---even at 48 years old.
  5. did you even listen to me? how long should you toss out these contacts? don't you see on the prescription where i wrote 'readers'? when does this expire? what was Motley Crue's first album? does it even matter? pay up, and go get your Costco hotdog that you've been mumbling about for the last 10 minutes.