TEACH A PERSON TO BOAT RACE---COMPETATIVE CHUGGING
win races, show that you are down for a few laughs, elevate to Hero Mode at a new cantina
- •1- what is the problem? you can't chug a beer. *barf noise*
- •2- components of the problem-- throat angle, working on controlling your epiglottis, when to 'finish tilt', pour technique.
- •3- working on the components. you can't chug a beer when your throat is at 90 degrees. this is geometry people, and some other science. tilt your head back, as you pour, to have a straight line from face hole, to gullet.
- •practice drinking a glass of water without closing your lips, practice how much water you can take between gulps. try not to breathe liquids. humans suck at that.
- •when you get to the last amount of water that you can hold in your mouth to finish the cup-----move the cup up over your head to signify that you are done, and that your team is likely in the lead.
- •a nice, steady pour will ensure that you don't get a Mouth Tsunami, and blow water out your nose, like a circus porpoise. nose liquids are not as cool as they sound.
- •Bringing the Components together---- fill cup to 1/2. chug. count your gulps. reduce number of gulps to 1. got to 3/4 and then full cup. you win, when you can do a pint glass in 1 gulp. NO SPILLAGE!! you don't want michelob Ultra stains in your Members Only jacket.
- •keep attempts down to 6-8/ night. unless you enjoy peeing all night, and maybe the buzz of HypoKalemia
- •scenario chugging--- challenge your slower friends where you have more beer than them. have a 2 cup race, and you give them a cup lead.
- •substitute water for beer. see 6-8 attempt limit for weekdays, 6-8 attempts/hour for weekends/holidays/super bowls
- •Live Racing-- go to the bar, challenge randos to 1v1 races. instigate a group Boat Race---use sports jerseys, haircut, boob jobs as qualifiers for who is on what team. chug for cash, or pinks---especially if you drive an ugly Green Camry
- •enjoy the rain of praise, and street cred that comes with being that person that refuses to go home until they have met their match.