TEACH A PERSON TO BOAT RACE---COMPETATIVE CHUGGING

win races, show that you are down for a few laughs, elevate to Hero Mode at a new cantina
  1. 1- what is the problem? you can't chug a beer. *barf noise*
  2. 2- components of the problem-- throat angle, working on controlling your epiglottis, when to 'finish tilt', pour technique.
  3. 3- working on the components. you can't chug a beer when your throat is at 90 degrees. this is geometry people, and some other science. tilt your head back, as you pour, to have a straight line from face hole, to gullet.
  4. practice drinking a glass of water without closing your lips, practice how much water you can take between gulps. try not to breathe liquids. humans suck at that.
  5. when you get to the last amount of water that you can hold in your mouth to finish the cup-----move the cup up over your head to signify that you are done, and that your team is likely in the lead.
  6. a nice, steady pour will ensure that you don't get a Mouth Tsunami, and blow water out your nose, like a circus porpoise. nose liquids are not as cool as they sound.
  7. Bringing the Components together---- fill cup to 1/2. chug. count your gulps. reduce number of gulps to 1. got to 3/4 and then full cup. you win, when you can do a pint glass in 1 gulp. NO SPILLAGE!! you don't want michelob Ultra stains in your Members Only jacket.
  8. keep attempts down to 6-8/ night. unless you enjoy peeing all night, and maybe the buzz of HypoKalemia
  9. scenario chugging--- challenge your slower friends where you have more beer than them. have a 2 cup race, and you give them a cup lead.
  10. substitute water for beer. see 6-8 attempt limit for weekdays, 6-8 attempts/hour for weekends/holidays/super bowls
  11. Live Racing-- go to the bar, challenge randos to 1v1 races. instigate a group Boat Race---use sports jerseys, haircut, boob jobs as qualifiers for who is on what team. chug for cash, or pinks---especially if you drive an ugly Green Camry
  12. enjoy the rain of praise, and street cred that comes with being that person that refuses to go home until they have met their match.