MY JOBS AND THE WORST THINGS THAT HAPPENED AT THEM

  1. Delivery driver
    I was a delivery driver around northern Wisconsin and Minnesota. There were 2 dogs running along a highway, so I stopped to try to capture them to make sure they didn't get hit by cars. The dogs ran into the woods, so I went back to my work truck only to find it gone. I finally found it submerged in the Namekagon river, still running. I walked to the nearest house for help, the dogs came out of the woods and followed me to the door. Their owner thanked me for returning them. I got fired.
  2. Janitor
    My first full time job was as a janitor. I made a joke to my married supervisor about how it seemed like he was having an affair with my coworker because they were always sneaking off together and having weird arguments. He fired me, because they were actually having an affair.
  3. Schwan's ice cream
    I worked in the Schwan's ice cream freezer loading their ice cream trucks. It was kept at 20 below freezing and all of the gloves they provided had at least one finger missing. My coworkers hated me. I was outside fueling trucks and no one came out to tell me they were eating (the only perk of the job was free Schwan's food). When I came in I asked if they'd saved any food for me. They said "Yeah, there's a plate in there for you." The plate was just a spoonful of gravy with a fork in it.
  4. Wal Mart Distribution
    I worked at the Wal Mart warehouse loading trucks. It was 12 hour shifts, 7 pm-7 am. I just had to load TVs and furniture into a truck off a conveyor belt. The trucks were freezing in the winter and sweltering hot in the summer. You'd think it would be terrible but it was actually awesome. I actually wish I still worked there.
  5. Hot Topic
    I worked at Hot Topic, which is in and of itself the worst thing that happened there.
  6. Writer
    I was a writer on a TV pilot. I had to go to LA and I hate flying so I made my friend drive with me. I borrowed my parents' Prius to save money on gas and we drove from WI to LA. One of the first days on the job, surrounded by people I'd just met, I blurted out "I had to dig a grave for a stillborn llama once." I don't know why I thought sharing my experience as a llama gravedigger was a good way to introduce myself. On the way home I destroyed the engine of the Prius driving in the mountains.