THINGS I WON'T MISS ABOUT CANADA

It's Canada day and as a permanent resident of this fine country I would like to make a list of the things I won't miss about canada!
  1. Canadian radio
    The CRTC (Canadian radio television communication) force Canadians to have Canadian content. Which means a lotta Shania Twain, Celine Dion, Barenaked Ladies, Nelly Fertado & Drake. Mostly, love the stuff. But if I have to hear "why you gotta be so rudddeee I'm gonna marry her anyway" one more time! (Yeah, those guys are Canadian too)
  2. Canadian Mexican food
    The distance between Canada and Mexico versus Canada and LA is exactly how much worse tacos are in Canada.
  3. The price to get drunk
    I prefer my mistakes to be cheap. Alcohol is only sold in Ontario through the LCBO (liquor control board of Ontario) so the mark up is crazy high and you can only buy the stuff at reasonable store hours. Which makes it hard NOT to plan your shame.
  4. Weed, man
    Sure Canadian herb is sweet but you know what's sweeter? Going to a respectable doctor and getting a prescription and then having an expert tell you exactly what you need. Much better than a sketchy drug dealer in his moms basement.
  5. Racism
    Canada has racists because it's a big country with some shitty people and where shitty people live, so do racists. BUT, in Canada the racists are so polite you almost don't know they exist. Whereas in America, they are proud of their racism,there are flags about it! And if I'm going to live somewhere with racism, I'd rather know exactly who the problem children are, so we can overcome it. Like gay marriage! You guys did it! Canada did it a decade ago, but no day but today. God bless America!