Available only in the "day drunk & stuck-at-home" section of my dream grocery store
  1. Plustard
  2. Hutchmmus
    Like Hutchmup but not as sweet
  3. Tzasabi
  4. Guacayaki
  5. Tahutney
  6. Hoisincestershire *
    * Please be aware that this is an taboo fantasy condiment. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with watching porn on your mom's laptop, while it's still on her lap. I'm not judging you and your sister for studying for finals together, doggy-style. I'm just saying if you want this on your sandwich, you might want to talk to someone about your sandwich.