Dad Jokes

High quality humour from your paternal spirit animals. With some racially charged, politically incorrect banter slipped in.
  1. Why do scuba divers fall into the water backwards?
    Because if they fell forwards they'd still be in the boat.
  2. Why did the Mexican take Xanax?
    For Hispanic attacks.
  3. Why don't you ever see elephants hiding in trees?
    Because they're so good at it.
  4. What's brown and rhymes with Snoop Dogg?
    Dr Dre
  5. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
    An investigator
  6. What's the difference between a crab with big boobs and an old bus station?
    One's a busty crustacean and the other's a rusty bus station.
  7. What's Forrest Gump's password?
    1Forrest1
  8. What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
    The wheelchair
  9. A big cat escaped the zoo yesterday.
    If I saw that if puma pants.
  10. My Czech mate is surprisingly bad at chess.
  11. What do you get hanging off banana trees?
    Sore arms
  12. My friend keeps telling me to come out of the closet.
    I keep telling him it's narnia business.
  13. A man goes to the doctor for his annual checkup and the Doctor says "you need to stop masturbating". "Why?" He asked.
    "Because I'm trying to examine you."
  14. What's the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?
    Attire
  15. My son asked me to stop singing Oasis songs in public.
    I said maybe.
  16. An old lady at the bank asked me to help her check her balance.
    So I pushed her over.
  17. Where did Napoleon keep his armies?
    In his sleevies.
  18. Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
  19. What's a fish with no eyes?
    A fsh
  20. When my wife told me to stop impersonating flamingoes I had to put my foot down.
  21. This bouncy is castle is twice the price of last year's.
    That's inflation for you.
  22. What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
  23. How many policemen does it take to screw in a lightbulb.
    Ten. One to screw in the lightbulb and nine to beat up the room for being black.
  24. People are so politically correct these days, you can't even say "Black paint"
    You have to say "Jamal, can you please paint my fence."
  25. I saw an ad, "radio for $1, volume stuck on full"
    I thought to myself, "I can't turn this down"