MIKE'S MOVIE SUMMARIES

  1. 1.
    300 - Penises with abs wish they could die more than once.
  2. 2.
    American Sniper - It's okay to kill brown people.
  3. 3.
    The Day After Tomorrow - If George Bush wrote Groundhog's Day.
  4. 4.
    The Revenant - A two hour ad for Chapstick.
  5. 5.
    Fight Club - Just when you thought mental illness wasn't sexy...
  6. 6.
    Avatar - Imagine the Smurfs doing a rendition of the play "Cats".
  7. 7.
    American Beauty - This is why Daddy can't live within a mile of a school.
  8. 8.
    Goodwill Hunting - Even janitors can succeed in life if you're young, sexy and have a genius IQ.
  9. 9.
    Fargo - Sometimes murder looks borderline retarded.
  10. 10.
    Million Dollar Baby - Life Lesson: Never be too happy or life will smash everything good with a f**king sledgehammer.