MISLEADING CONGRESSIONAL BILL NAMES
Who could vote against the Happy Puppy Bill right? Well what if it was actually a bill mandating that you slap babies? A little extreme perhaps but only a little..
- •Citizens UnitedA happy place for American citizens to sing and blow bubbles? Close!! Basically it gave corporations the same rights as citizens so they can donate unlimited amounts of money to politicians.
- •Fair Trade AgreementMaybe this ensures that we can trade with all countries regardless of economic status, political affiliation, so we can all be BFFs? Uhhh..basically, except it gives corporations the right to move factories abroad and make products using slave labor BECAUSE MORE PROFIT. This way they don't have to abide by US environmental laws and pollute because MORE PROFIT.
- •Patriot ActEasy. We give money to war veterans..or maybe have a contest of patriotism and award the winner?? Pretty much, but also allow the government to overstep the constitution and spy on your dirty snapchats.
- •Defense of Marriage ActWE DEFEND YOUR RIGHT TO GET MARRIED!!! Actually we deny you the right to get married unless it's with the appropriate sex.
- •Emergency Economic Stabilization ActStabilize the economy? Well I guess but more like protect bonuses for bankers.
- •Right to WorkI need to work, who could have a problem with that? Well they forgot to tell you that this basically takes away your right to be in a union because corporations can't make as much money if they hire union workers. Also unions tend to have a lot of political pull which is generally not in the interest of corporations.
- •War on DrugsMurica F*ck yeah!!! Kill them drugs!! Actually this one should be titled, "Brown people scare us". This is one of the most failed and racially-jaded bills in modern history.