THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM YEARS OF WATCHING PORN

  1. Some girls actually like their hair pulled.
    This is a tough one for me after getting in trouble for this in grade school.
  2. If it has a Japanese title, be prepared for the extreme.
    This has ruined hibachi grills for me.
  3. Even if it's in the background, if you see horse.. turn it off immediately.
    I've learned that a porn budget will never include the money to use a horse simply as scenery. It's in there for a reason.
  4. Order pizza EVERYDAY.
    By shear odds alone, it will turn into sex at some point...and if not, fuck it. You still have pizza.
  5. Endless accessories.
    I'll be honest, I have no idea what half of them are. I'm pretty sure I saw a pump for a fish tank at some point. The women seemed to enjoy them so I'm inspired to learn.