I TRAIN OTHER PEOPLE'S HUSBANDS I'M PRETTY SURE

After six boyfriends married the very next person they dated, I realized I might unwittingly train other people's husbands? Or something? Six is a lot and beyond a random coincidence. I don't know but my therapist once called me a "lid opener." There has got to be a better name for this, no? Also I swear I am forgetting someone.
  1. Malcolm
    We lived together after college on the LES in the early 90s. It was sweet & domestic and we thought we were going to be artists, which was also sweet but totally naive. We *did* have great "we are gonna be artist parties." We stopped living together but didn't break up for years. I went to law school and he actually did go to art school. We kept dating and traveling to meet each other until he met a Parisian performance artist (thanks CalArts) whom he married. Devastation level: 8.
  2. Jean-Selim
    Hot French/Egyptian guy who worked for the UN helping refugees. (This IS as hot as it sounds). We started dating, he went to Bosnia and sent me a ring from there! (Still have it). But I was an immature 27 year old who couldn't hack someone that cool, so he developed a crush on another aid worker whom he married. I was actually happy for him! He was later horrifyingly killed in a bombing in Iraq, where he was again working for the UN. Devastation level: 10, but b/c of bomb, not wife.
  3. Mike
    When I went to law school I switched it up and dated a Navy guy who worked for the Pentagon. This is as boring as it sounds. Those guys want you to run marathons and not eat carbs. Still, I was pushing 30, trying to make it work. About a year and a half in, I found a napkin from a wedding he went to (without me, obv) with someone's number on it. Right before I graduated he did one of those slow "guess what's happening?" breakups and married Napkin Girl about a year later. Devastation Level: 4.
  4. Dan
    Hot newly minted history professor who played bluegrass. Complicating factors: good friend's brother, lived in Virginia, had just been dumped by first wife. He came to visit me & his cousins in NYC & they brought along a girl we'll call Snake. Dan & Snake made googly eyes at each other the whole night, so much so that I knew what I was watching and I just sat back and got really zen about it. Dan and Snake got married about a year later. 3 kids. Devastation Level: 7. Mostly because of hotness.
  5. Chris
    Back in LA years later, I rekindled with Chris whom I had dated in NYC. Comedy type. Things seem to be going fine. He goes to Chicago. He comes back. Car impounded at airport. (Don't ask). I pick him up, do the DMV thing, get car back. During this saga he talks to someone on the phone. "Who's that?" I ask. "No one, just a friend in Chicago." But no: that is Chris's future wife. Devastation level: 6, but mostly because why have me pick you up from the airport if you have already met your wife?
  6. Marty
    Another hot professor who loved to camp & play bluegrass. Thought things were good, but later he said he was annoyed b/c all I ever asked him to cook was grilled cheese. Breakup felt like the fabric of the world had come undone. (Not just because of the grilled cheese). He immediately married a fan of anime, who had a tiger in her dating profile photo. (Not stalking, I swear). Devastation level: 10+in part because I ran into them in the Costco tire center not exactly looking my best.