REASONS TO NOT DO MY WORK

  1. Facebook
  2. That mean bitch from highschool got fat, lol
  3. That bitch from highschool has a fulfilling life with a meaningful job that gives back to the community and two healthy children... I have two half retarded cats and write dick jokes for $$.
    Sink deeper into a depression
  4. Now too depressed to do work
  5. Eating
  6. Eating spiral of shame
    Optional trying on of jeans that never fit me, making mean faces at self in mirror
  7. Pick a pimple that is not ready to be popped
    Optional face bleeding. Now wear a tissue dot on the blood like an old-thymey man in a barber shop
  8. Look at pictures of weird animals online
    Optional research into purchase of a liger
  9. Make a list
  10. Go over list of people from my past who have wronged me
    Optional stalking of those people's wedding albums on facebook. Optional lol if they had tacky bridesmaid colors. TEAL. Lulz. Optional abyss of darkness when it turns out their grandmother died the day before so they lit a candle in her honor and teal was her favorite color and I am a huge bitch.
  11. Drugs
  12. Cannot find the drugs, hid them last time I did drugs, undrugged self is confused as to whereabouts
  13. Look for drugs
  14. Get bored and learn to play piano
  15. Hate piano
    Optional 10 minute solo rendition of "Walkin In Memphis"
  16. Play with cats
  17. Try to teach cats to walk like people, get scratched for being an idiot
    Optional WEB-MD research about "Cat scratch fever" (that this is bananas)
  18. Organize fridge
  19. Taste expired hummus
  20. Plan my funeral
    Optional Tom Sawyer secret cameo at own funeral
  21. Filled with rage at nothing in particular
  22. Rage nap
    Optional rage dream of me beating up the bully from Salute Your Shorts
  23. Repeat.