Evidence That I Do Not Have My Life Together

I am a functional, educated, employed member of society. That does NOT mean I have my life together. Here's why
  1. I've set fire to my microwave more than once
    I have started two microwave fires. Both times it was because I forgot to add water to my easy mac. That both shows that I am not detail oriented about cooking and that I frequently eat easy mac, which is just sad.
  2. My room is still just a kind of walled in area of stacks of clothing that all surrounds what I think is a bed.
    More of my clothes live in random stacks than live in drawers. I believe I have a bed but there are usually books all over half of it, so one can never be sure
  3. I do not have a mop and I have no intention of buying one
    I believe I have a swiffer somewhere but I definitely don't have any of those pads that you need to effectively use the swiffer
  4. I consistently forget to take daily medication
    You'd think the severe allergies that result from my forgetfulness would serve as a good reminder, but no
  5. I often go to bed with my makeup on
    Listen friends, I get that it will make me age more quickly. You don't have to remind me.
  6. I am incapable of enjoying entertainment like a normal human
    Instead, I listen to the same song on repeat for 7 hours and never get tired of it. Most people grow out of this behavior around age 5
  7. I often buy things I have no use for
    I am literally OUT of wall space, and yet I continue to buy random prints with cute sayings on etsy
  8. My online presence lacks organization
    You know those people that have like 5 likes on a my social media platform going at a time, and they use their likes to plan future posts or whatever. Yeah, no, that's not me. Instead. I have thousands of likes that I will never sift through
  9. I have never taken a good selfie
    This is a skill that is totally lost on me. I am basically faceless on social media as a result
  10. I hate watching the news
    I instead prefer to digest my news in tiny snippets. Watching the news feels too adult-y and depressing for me
  11. I am not good at resisting the temptation of candy
    Me at Hudson news = me leaving with 2 magazines and 3 candy bars. This is especially damning considering the fact that I travel EVERY SINGLE WEEK for work