My Adult Sick Person Wishlist

I currently have my annual cold/sine-infectch. If I were still a kid, I'd be gearing up for a day at home full of soup. But, I'm an adult now, which means I basically get to do my normal day while ill. Here are a few requests I humbly make of you as I try to make it through my day. Think My GrownUp Christmas List- less Christmas spirit, more phlegm
  1. Wait at least 10 seconds to begin Lysol-ing after I leave a room
    If you wait less than 10 seconds, I can still hear the spray from that damn bottle around the corner, and it hurts my feelings
  2. Don't try to talk to me about swine flu / bird flu / monkey pox, etc
    No matter what you say the symptoms are, you bringing it up to me WHILE I'm sick will cause me to think that you are certain that I have it and that you are arranging some sort of quarantine for me and alerting the CDC. Neither of us need that stress in our lives
  3. For the love of God, carry the conversation.
    All of the space in my head that normally contains charming anecdotes and fun comments has now been taken over by snot. I've got no game in the conversation department right now. Feel free to use me as a sounding board for YOUR fun new anecdote ideas because I've got NOTHING.
  4. Don't get annoyed if I ask you to repeat yourself.
    I'm exhausted and you tend to drone on. I promise I'm listening.
  5. Charming nicknames are okay, mean nicknames are not.
    For example, when I get sick, my mom always calls me Penny (and then quips "short for penicillin!") This is adorable and it lets everyone around us know they need to be extra nice to me because I'm sick. DO NOT call me "Rudolph." This calls attention to the fact that my nose is red from blowing it so much, and it causes everyone around us to stare at my nose and check to make sure it is in fact red. And we all know it isn't because I look perfect 100% of the time. Still- not a nice nickname
  6. Don't offer me advice unless you have something new to contribute
    We all know I should rest and drink a lot of fluids. When strangers tell me to do those things in line at Starbucks, I feel like they are trying to awkwardly parent me. If you have something new to contribute, like if I make myself hiccup for 3 minutes I will be cured, THAT is something I want to hear. I may even try your crazy idea!
  7. Don't glare at me when I sniffle
    It's going to happen. I can't help it. Your glares only serve to anger me, because I'm as powerless in this situation as you are.
  8. Coughing is normal. Stop acting like I have the plague.
    In return, I promise to cover my cough and use hand sanitizer at every available opportunity
  9. Sweet gestures are nice. Get well soon cards are overkill
    Grab me a water or do that chore I was ignoring- gestures like that will not be forgotten! Getting me a get well soon card makes me feel like you think I'm dying, which I'm definitely not. And the fact that you thought that calls into question the amazing job I did coating my face with makeup to hide the fact that I'm sick