Sleepwalkers: a not so helpful guide

A few years ago I dated a sleepwalker. I had no idea what I was getting into.
  1. At first he told me he had "sleeping problems"
    I figured he tossed and turned. He didn't elaborate, and I didn't ask. First mistake.
  2. What "sleeping problems" actually meant
    Later he told me that when he was a kid his mom caught him trying to climb out a window. He was sleepwalking. And holding a knife.
  3. I said no more sleepovers, mister!
    Except not! When you're 22 you make poor decisions. Second mistake.
  4. Most nights he'd talk in is his sleep in German.
    The worst language to hear someone sleep talk. Scary as hell. English was his second language. I scooted to the edge of the bed& clung to the mattress wondering what he was going on about. Did a group of sadistic aliens kidnap him??
  5. Some nights he'd yell out.
    I'd nudge him, he'd quiet down.
  6. Until one night.
  7. Crashing and banging woke me up.
    After 5 years in this dirty & dangerous city I was finally getting robbed??
  8. I jumped up in bed.
    My boyfriend was no longer beside me. Was he tackling the intruder?
  9. NOPE.
  10. I turned & saw my boyfriend standing in front of the closet.
    He was throwing things across the room, ripping clothes out of my closet, smashing anything he could find.
  11. Hey, bud. Can you not do that?
    I yelled his name and for him to stop. When he didn't turn around I realized what was happening.
  12. THE SLEEPWALKER.
    It was finally happening. I prayed that my roommates put the knives away after dinner. I also hoped the cats were hidden.
  13. Yelling didn't help.
    It was getting violent. I was terrified for my myself and everyone else in the house.
  14. I leapt out of bed
    And onto his back. At the time I didn't realize trying to tackle a sleepwalking 6'1" college athlete to the ground was a poor idea. I got thrown back to the ground.
  15. I tried another move.
    I scrambled up and grabbed at his arms. Caught up in all this, I forgot he was one of the top college tennis players in the country. So he won that round no problem. I can still feel his grip years later.
  16. I lost the sleep fight.
    Badly.
  17. He threw open the bedroom door and ran out.
    Panicked, I got up from the floor and ran after him.
  18. He got to the stairs.
    All I could think was DO NOT GO DOWN THOSE STAIRS.
  19. He ran down the stairs.
    I yelled and ran after him.
  20. On the way down the stairs I thought...
    DO NOT LEAVE THIS HOUSE.
  21. He opened the front door...
    AND RAN OUTSIDE.
  22. I imagined the worst.
    He'd run out into the street and get hit and die. I'd end up downtown at the police station wearing nothing but my oversized tropical vacation tee on the phone with his parents with the help of Google translate while some poor rookie tried to find a pair of pants for me.
  23. I finally made it outside to the porch.
    I looked around and spotted him standing on the edge of the porch.
  24. He was awake, and very confused.
    I grabbed him and we went back inside. He fell back asleep no problem.
  25. I stood in the wreckage that was my room
    My wrists throbbed as I examined the damage. Still scared and wanting to cry, I didn't sleep the rest of the night.
  26. A huge wave of relief swept over me when he left that morning.
    See ya, homeboy.
  27. I cleaned up my room and took a much needed nap.
  28. What have we learned?
    Do NOT fight a sleep walker, you will lose. To avoid fighting them in the first place, take their terrifying childhood sleepwalking stories seriously and run the other way.