THINGS YOU CANT DO WHEN THE POWER GOES OUT
...while you're getting ready for your first day at a new job
- •SEE.Well shit. My rooms too messy for this.
- •Charge your phone.Probably shouldn't be on my phone on the first day anyway. But how will I make lists??
- •Make oatmeal.You're really cramping my routine here, thunder.
- •Make coffee 😩I hope they're not expecting me to do anything today. Or be personable. I'm 95% mute before my first sip. Is it possible to go the entire day only nodding?
- •Straighten my bangsGood idea going to sleep with you hair wet last night. Have fun with the single curl your bangs have become. It's so dark I can't see them. But I know. I can feel it curling into my eyeball as we speak. Perfect.
- •Find my beltCrawling around with children on the floor is a serious, potential ass-crack-showing situation. It's not the vibe I'm trying to put out there.
- •Put on make up.Let's be honest here. That wasn't happening anyway. But I like having options, damnit.
- •Pack a lunch.Wait. How long will my refrigerator be cold? What do I do with all my food? Can I still eat it? Will I have food poisoning on the first day? Will I look disgusting because my sandwich gave me salmonella?
- •Remember everything.There's no way I will remember all the shit I'm supposed to bring now. And even if I remember, I'll never find it by the light of my iPhone.