...while you're getting ready for your first day at a new job
  1. SEE.
    Well shit. My rooms too messy for this.
  2. Charge your phone.
    Probably shouldn't be on my phone on the first day anyway. But how will I make lists??
  3. Make oatmeal.
    You're really cramping my routine here, thunder.
  4. Make coffee 😩
    I hope they're not expecting me to do anything today. Or be personable. I'm 95% mute before my first sip. Is it possible to go the entire day only nodding?
  5. Straighten my bangs
    Good idea going to sleep with you hair wet last night. Have fun with the single curl your bangs have become. It's so dark I can't see them. But I know. I can feel it curling into my eyeball as we speak. Perfect.
  6. Find my belt
    Crawling around with children on the floor is a serious, potential ass-crack-showing situation. It's not the vibe I'm trying to put out there.
  7. Put on make up.
    Let's be honest here. That wasn't happening anyway. But I like having options, damnit.
  8. Pack a lunch.
    Wait. How long will my refrigerator be cold? What do I do with all my food? Can I still eat it? Will I have food poisoning on the first day? Will I look disgusting because my sandwich gave me salmonella?
  9. Remember everything.
    There's no way I will remember all the shit I'm supposed to bring now. And even if I remember, I'll never find it by the light of my iPhone.