Things I Want From the Mad Men Finale

  1. Peggy finds a god damn fabulous hunk of man candy.
  2. Pete's receding hairline finally goes full trump.
  3. Sally goes full Carrie.
  4. Betty grows another prosthetic chin.
  5. Roger shaves that fucking porn moustache off.
  6. Bobby buggers off back to Wisteria Lane already.
  7. ...and takes Ted with him.
  8. ...oh and Mark 👀
  9. Ken finally gets that parrot he's always dreamed of.
  10. Gene does ANYTHING.
  11. Joan lives happily ever after 💘
  12. Cooper comes back from the dead fo realz to a magical dance number of "Be my guest" (Simpsons lyrics).
  13. Don finally stops cheating on everyone ever all the time literally daily into infinity.
  14. Don grows a beard just because phwoar.
  15. Don finally finds something hilarious.
  16. Don dies in a racketeering scandal and his ghost lives happily ever after with Anna 👻👻
  17. Don goes back to Dick. *chortle*
  18. Don never goes back to work, discovers meditation and the science of the stars and lives happily ever after on a beach making rum swizzles and new old fashioned's for the locals, whilst simultaneously finding the love of his life in the form of a Dula named Fenula.
  19. Don is happy.