10 Texts To Send To Your Ex So You Can Get Laid on Valentine's

  1. 1.
    " ;) "
    Pretty standard, she knows what you want and if she's game she'll play ball. Don't fuck this up with emojis, keep it classic.
  2. 2.
    "Bitch I'll still whip ya ass in candle pin bowling..."
    Now it doesn't have to be candlepin bowling. But it needs to be something obscure that real people don't play, like jai-jai or lacrosse
  3. 3.
    Hey, I saw your Instagram post and you look fat!
    I know what you are thinking, and trust me it will work. She'll feel insecure and will need some comfort. You sweep in and boom, deal is sealed my friend.
  4. 4.
    Is your sister 18 yet?
    If she answers yes, you proceed to ask for her sister's phone number and then text the sister. Who said you need to get laid by your ex on Valentine's? Aimiright?
  5. 5.
    My dick can't get hard since we broke up!
    This one is simple. Any person with a brain would want to know if that's true. Because if it is, that's just insane science stuff. She'll come over to see and well, you got it from here.
  6. 6.
    Katie, why did you block me on social media and change your number?
    No, seriously. Why did you block me and change your number?
  7. 7.
    Katie, if you're reading this... My dick can't get hard since we broke up!
  8. 8.
    Katie, I'm so sorry that was uncalled for and so unprofessional, like fucking your boss at the office Christmas party.
  9. 9.
    No, you're drunk and sad. But I am totally not thinking about you or anything like that...
  10. 10.
    Katie, your sister 18 yet?