1. reddest tie content
  2. who can break the fourth wall the most
  3. who can use recent shooting victims to passive aggressively make other candidates look bad (Carson won)
  4. waxiest face
  5. most brazen racism
  6. largest flag pin
  7. most receded hairline
  8. stupidest gestures (Kasich)
  9. most internet fear-mongering (Trump for the win with Fiorina in second)
  10. most anti-"political correctness" (Cruz)
  11. most likely to have hurt cats as a child (Cruz again)
  12. who can say "Radical Islamic Terrorism" most
  13. who can dodge the question most completely (trrrrrrrump)