EMAILS I DID NOT EARN

If Tom Hanks had told me to earn this at the end of Saving Private Ryan I would have failed him miserably.
  1. "Yankees MVP Customer Alert!"
    I haven't been to a Yankee game in seven years, and haven't purchased merchandise in five. I can't accept any deals meant for MVP's
  2. "Inside The Rings: Audi Experience"
    Listen, I'd love an Audi. The Audi Allroad has been my dream since I was in high school. But I don't own an Audi. I have a 2009 VW, stop rubbing it in
  3. "Welcome to the VSCO Community"
    I guess I had earned it upon receipt, but in hindsight there's no way they should have welcomed me since I haven't used the app since that first day
  4. "Roshe NM Fleece Pack Navy / Mint"
    I sent this email to myself as a reminder when this pair of sneakers would go on sale. Except the reminder didn't work and by the time I remembered I was two hours late and they were sold out
  5. "Circuit Works Important Message"
    Was my gym closing? A trainer leaving? Oh wait, what's that? You forgot to charge me $2 for water and are going to charge my card now? Um, sure...let's dial down the use of 'important' though. This one was not earned by either of us
  6. "Your Petco Reward Dollars Are Here - You Earned It!"
    Nah, I didn't though