I'M TOO OLD FOR
I'm 30. It's time to face facts.
- •BrunchTo have your first meal of the day be at 11:30 or noon or later is ludicrous as is, but the whole production - putting your name on a list, waiting for a table, drinking Bloody Mary's on an empty stomach, getting home from my first plan of the day at 2:30pm with heartburn? Nah, not for me. Breakfast food later in the day? Yes. Brunch? No.
- •People Not Dressed AppropriatelyI'm not calling for tuxedos after 6pm, but if you're at a wedding wear a suit. If you're going to a Broadway show don't wear cargo shorts. Life's too short to look so shitty.
- •I.P.A'sI spent my 20's trying to fit in and drink heavy dark beers that taste like metal. One beer takes fifteen minutes to drink and I feel terrible after. Also it pairs with literally zero foods. I am finally at an age where I fee comfortable living out in the open: I prefer light beers. Easy drinking, refreshing beers. The one beer aficionado's turn their noses up at. One with a burger or ten of 'em out at night. If I want to struggle to get a drink down in thirty minutes I'll drink warm gin.
- •Waiting In Line For A DrinkWaiting in a line outside of a bar is a dealbreaker obviously, but if you're inside and its a line just to get up to the bar to try and flag down the bartender? Nah! It's not that much of an honor to pay you for liquor.
- •"Laying By The Pool"I can't vacation this way. It's boring. I know we're supposed to lie here and get tan but I'm thirsty, this book I'm reading kinda sucks and my iPhone is overheating. Also there's a nice diving board over there, bikes to ride, a half court basketball court and at bare minimum three different hikes. Fuck I'll even go to a museum. Very least can we take a fifteen minute walk to kill time before lunch?