THINGS LEARNED IN JURY DUTY PURGATORY (BROOKLYN 4/28/15)

I'm in the jury duty waiting room and very bored.
  1. They say arrive at 8:30am, but the day doesn't actually start until 9.
    Don't rush out of your apartment and show up sweaty and blotchy, there is no rush.
  2. Don't skip your morning coffee.
    You will be bored to tears. Any pep in your step is good because it will be sucked out of you very shortly.
  3. When they ask if anyone has been convicted of a felony stand up and walk forward.
    Everyone in juryville will fear you for a few mins and then you can sit right back down (unless you really are a felon.)
  4. White guys love making spreadsheets.
    Every white guy on a laptop is making a spreadsheet.
  5. Bring dollar bills for snacking.
    The vending machine will be your best friend and its outdated and only accepts dollar bills and quarters. I suggest the pretzels, a fiber one bar and a diet Pepsi.
  6. You CAN run out of things to do on your phone.
    When you see the same Instagram photos 4x, PUT THE PHONE DOWN.
  7. Phone charger is a must.
    Or you will DIE.
  8. The juror holding room is grosser than the airport.
    Everyone is gross. No explanation necessary. Load up on Purell.
  9. Asians have the best ring tones.
    I gotta up my ringtone game. Also, you're not allowed to talk on the phone.
  10. Chipotle lunch WILL make you poop.
    Even if you poo right before consumption (like I did) it will still trigger a follow up elimination post l-meal. Be prepared, the stalls get pretty ugly late in the day.
  11. Try to have fun. After all, being a juror is a DUTY to our country and you can really learn a lot.
    Just kidding, it's the worst. Kill yourself.