THINGS LEARNED IN JURY DUTY PURGATORY (BROOKLYN 4/28/15)
I'm in the jury duty waiting room and very bored.
- •They say arrive at 8:30am, but the day doesn't actually start until 9.Don't rush out of your apartment and show up sweaty and blotchy, there is no rush.
- •Don't skip your morning coffee.You will be bored to tears. Any pep in your step is good because it will be sucked out of you very shortly.
- •When they ask if anyone has been convicted of a felony stand up and walk forward.Everyone in juryville will fear you for a few mins and then you can sit right back down (unless you really are a felon.)
- •White guys love making spreadsheets.Every white guy on a laptop is making a spreadsheet.
- •Bring dollar bills for snacking.The vending machine will be your best friend and its outdated and only accepts dollar bills and quarters. I suggest the pretzels, a fiber one bar and a diet Pepsi.
- •You CAN run out of things to do on your phone.When you see the same Instagram photos 4x, PUT THE PHONE DOWN.
- •Phone charger is a must.Or you will DIE.
- •The juror holding room is grosser than the airport.Everyone is gross. No explanation necessary. Load up on Purell.
- •Asians have the best ring tones.I gotta up my ringtone game. Also, you're not allowed to talk on the phone.
- •Chipotle lunch WILL make you poop.Even if you poo right before consumption (like I did) it will still trigger a follow up elimination post l-meal. Be prepared, the stalls get pretty ugly late in the day.
- •Try to have fun. After all, being a juror is a DUTY to our country and you can really learn a lot.Just kidding, it's the worst. Kill yourself.