My Waiting Rants

These were my pet peeves. Don't do this to your server. The nightmares are enough. Started after this list, which if you never waited tables, there is a scary phenomenon that waiters have dreams about waiting. It's the worst. A HARD TRUTH YOU DON'T REALIZE ONCE YOU HANG UP YOUR APRON
  1. Serving assholes
    Hey how bout looking at my face when you talk to me?How about treating me like a person and not a lower life form because my job is to serve you?
  2. When you bring decaf and are asked multiple times if you are sure it is decaf.
    Trust issues much? Hey if you really are that concerned have "just water"
  3. That brings me to Just Water™
    The five dollar bottle of water I wish restaurants would sell. Just leave off the Just when you order water, that way I will think that you actually want water and you aren't just cheap.
  4. Hot Tea
    Go fu<% yourself. Your server is thinking this when you order hot tea. Do you know the trouble we have to go through so you can have a $1.19 drink? I haven't waited tables in awhile but it used to be the cheapest thing on the menu. Based on my labor it should cost $100
  5. The people who fight to pay for the bill but tip 5%.
    Now I know why the other person wanted to pay so badly grandpa.
  6. The people who split the bill and about three of five think this is reason enough not to tip.
  7. Campers.
    It's not your home. Leave. I cannot express how glad I am that I waited before smartphones were everywhere.
  8. I apologize if any of this has been on two broke girls. I don't watch that show
    I lived it minus one girl.
  9. Fail to ask for something when you order, hoping that I won't charge you for it, but then ask for it when I bring your food and you'd like it right away.
  10. When I bring you something ask for something else, over and over, for eternity.
  11. Been a waiter? Bring your rant to the table.
    86 bad customers
  12. When you're serving a large group (20+ people) and they decide to play musical chairs and then they get mad at you when you have to call out every meal in order to deliver it
    Just sit in your original seat please!
    Suggested by   @daisy
  13. Don't snap your fingers at me! It will not get my attention any quicker! It will make me ignore you on principle alone!
    Suggested by   @daisy
  14. when people ask dumb questions about the food, like "what's your favorite thing?" or "is this good?"
    If you ask for suggestions I'm going to say something expensive because it might boost my tip. Literally I give zero fucks what you order.
    Suggested by   @hermionegranger
  15. When I bring the plates of food and call out what I'm holding and NO ONE F$*%ING CLAIMS IT. Pay. Attention. People. This is your food. This is why you are here.
    Suggested by   @amieshmamie