The Time I Almost Died 💀

Inspired by @ListPrompts
  1. I was invited to a party at an oyster farm. Yay!!!🐷
  2. I lived in Sacramento at the time
  3. Most of the other guests lived in San Francisco
  4. So I got in my little VW Jetta🚘
    I named her Sloan Peterson
  5. I drove I-80 pass Davis, pass Vacaville, pass all those towns I passed
  6. But because I was paying attention to the invite for the other guests I drove farther than I should have🛣
    Straight towards Hwy 1 which is stupid because there is a more appropriate cut off I can't even remember now.
  7. But no matter it's a beautiful June day and I am gonna bar-b-que me some oysters.🏖
  8. So now I am on Highway 1, heading north towards the party.
    A pretty highway sensory wise but I am antsy because the party.
  9. I am minutes away but really, really late. When
  10. What?
  11. Oh no
  12. Police officer👮🏻
    But a woman.
  13. Flares 💥
  14. Road shut down.
  15. Like I am the second car. Shut Down.
  16. Motorcycle accident
  17. Officer says it will be about
  18. An hour and a half.
  19. Noooo!!!
  20. But okay
    Because at least I wasn't on the motorcycle
  21. Pull over to the side of the road.
  22. Think I could probably just run there faster.
  23. Congratulate myself on having all my running gear in my trunk.
  24. Change - on the side of the road in front of stopped traffic.
  25. Take off running.🏃🏻
  26. So at some point I decide to ditch the highway.
  27. Note that above statement because that is where I went wrong.
  28. So I am jogging in a marshy area and there are a lot of people at this other oyster farm.
    Maybe this one.
  29. I ask someone who seems to raise oysters/ work there
  30. "Can I run down this entire beach?"
  31. He says
  32. "How far do you want to go?"
  33. To be safe, I say
  34. "Oregon"
  35. He says "Yes"
  36. So off I go running
  37. I'm running
  38. Running
  39. Running
  40. Running
  41. Running
  42. In my mind I think
  43. How cool will this be when I run up to the party and say
  44. "What's up? Oh yeah, I just ran here."
  45. When
  46. I fall into what I can only describe as quicksand🕳
  47. Quicksand!!!!!!
  48. But it is really just mud or whatever they grow oysters in.
  49. Up to my neck.
  50. Just my face is out.
  51. Now I am thinking.
  52. I am going to die.
  53. Like this.🙍🏻
  54. And I will never be found. Birds will eat my face.
  55. Birds, the birds that are the ancestors of birds that attacked in that movie The Birds
  56. But the mud is more supportive than I thought and I actually climbed out.
  57. But I am covered in mud.
  58. And it stinks.
  59. Very
  60. Very
  61. Very badly.
  62. I stink.♨️
  63. So I look towards where I was going
  64. and I look back towards where I had been.
  65. I decided I have to turn back there is no way I can run all the way.
  66. So I run back.
  67. Running
  68. Running
  69. Running
  70. Running
  71. And as I approach the gentleman who told me I could run to Oregon I say
  72. "No, you can't run on this beach!"
  73. He just looks at like me with disbelief.
  74. How else would you look at a crazy mud woman?👀
  75. I run all the way back to my car and hose myself off with a water bottle.
  76. On the side of the road.
  77. But now the road is semi-open and cops are controlling traffic, so even more people can see me as they slowly drive past.
  78. Then I get into my car and drive the 10 minutes to the party.
  79. And no one believes that I just almost died.
  80. Because I am too good at cleaning myself with a water bottle.
  81. But a week later when a pearl ⚪️popped out of my vjajay they believed me.
  82. That's the only near death story I have.
  83. Though one time, when I was running early in the morning
  84. A guy on a bike
  85. Wearing a strange poncho hoodie thing
  86. Carrying a scythe rode past me.
  87. It was death. I am pretty sure it was death on a bicycle with a scythe.
  88. But he kept going.
  89. It wasn't my time.
  90. But I quit running.