Things to Look Forward to Now That I'm +40, Single, and Childless
Inspired by @dudleyjoshua thanks how did you know I was feeling this exact way today.
- •Phone calls from niece and nephew to check on me/assuage their guilt.
- •Driving through the front windows of my local liquor storeI will be very confused but refuse the self driving car.
- •My only role modelThe weird aunt from the Brady Bunch.
- •Calling up stores with vague complaints not even about the store I am calling and spending 20 minutes on phone with someone who is trying to give good customer service.They will never be able to meet my demands and I will hang up happy to be dissatisfied.
- •Wearing awesome clothes
- •More likeBut not in a hipster ironic way.
- •Yelling at 19 year olds"I was young once too, you know!"
- •Smelling like mothballs November through April.
- •Choking on a ham sandwich.Not being found for several months.
- •Being totally irrelevant.Already?