Inspired by @dudleyjoshua thanks how did you know I was feeling this exact way today.
  1. Phone calls from niece and nephew to check on me/assuage their guilt.
  2. Driving through the front windows of my local liquor store
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    I will be very confused but refuse the self driving car.
  3. My only role model
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    The weird aunt from the Brady Bunch.
  4. Calling up stores with vague complaints not even about the store I am calling and spending 20 minutes on phone with someone who is trying to give good customer service.
    They will never be able to meet my demands and I will hang up happy to be dissatisfied.
  5. Wearing awesome clothes
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  6. More like
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    But not in a hipster ironic way.
  7. Yelling at 19 year olds
    "I was young once too, you know!"
  8. Smelling like mothballs November through April.
  9. Choking on a ham sandwich.
    Not being found for several months.
  10. Being totally irrelevant.
    Already?