Things to Look Forward to Now That I'm +40, Single, and Childless

Inspired by @dudleyjoshua thanks how did you know I was feeling this exact way today.
  1. 1.
    Phone calls from niece and nephew to check on me/assuage their guilt.
  2. 2.
    Driving through the front windows of my local liquor store
    I will be very confused but refuse the self driving car.
  3. 3.
    My only role model
    The weird aunt from the Brady Bunch.
  4. 4.
    Calling up stores with vague complaints not even about the store I am calling and spending 20 minutes on phone with someone who is trying to give good customer service.
    They will never be able to meet my demands and I will hang up happy to be dissatisfied.
  5. 5.
    Wearing awesome clothes
  6. 6.
    More like
    But not in a hipster ironic way.
  7. 7.
    Yelling at 19 year olds
    "I was young once too, you know!"
  8. 8.
    Smelling like mothballs November through April.
  9. 9.
    Choking on a ham sandwich.
    Not being found for several months.
  10. 10.
    Being totally irrelevant.
    Already?