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Loving life
  1. Complain about having to do stuff
  2. Do stuff poorly
  3. Cry about inability to do life well
  4. Watch TV and eat snacks
Probably gonna end up with a white dude who plays sports a lot
  1. White guy who drinks tea.
    I'll most likely meet this one in New York. He is sensitive and a feminist, but we would probably just break up because he's a lil bitch about some stuff. Also he deserves a girl who has perky boobs and a cute sense of humor and hair that doesn't frizz.
  2. Suave Spanish guy from Spain.
    We would work out because my butt isn't tight enough and I can't take his sensual talk seriously
  3. Intellectual half black guy who wears designer reading glasses.
    I'm pretty philosophical, but he's pretty good at applying his insightfulness into political matters much better than me. He's just really smart and would find a girl who has a very PC mindset and wears skirts a lot.
2 more...
  1. Abolition of the Republican Party
  2. Clean refrigerators
  3. Aesthetically perfect sunny side up eggs
3 more...
  1. "You know that song Halo? By Beyoncé? Well, she is so good. Her voice is amazing."
  2. "I'd like to see Adele foot race Martha Stewart."
  3. "She's [my mother] a smelly bitch. Jk, love her."
4 more...
I'm pretty amazing at things
  1. Not answering texts
  2. Making omelettes
  3. Disappointing my mother
  4. Thinking about things and wondering how they affected me. For example, Blue's Clues. That was a crazy show. That guy Steve was on cocaine I think. Blue and that pink dog shoulda banged on the final episode. I'm messed up because of it
  1. Get mom and dad to fuse their genes together
  2. Be born
  3. Let the wind take you, moon child.
2 more...
Where are the Ritz crackers, mother?
  1. It is diverse. So many shapes and colors and sizes. It's amazing
  2. So many levels of sharpness. Extra sharp. Seriously sharp. Aged sharp. Is there even a difference? I don't care. I'll take all of 'em.
  3. It has many powers. It can make you feel fancy as hell if you drink it with wine, but is also capable of making you feel gross if you eat it alone in the bathroom. Please help me.
  1. I asked my mom if I wanted to be something when I was younger, like president or astronaut, ya know, some type of ambitious thing. She said "nope."
  2. I ate an entire bag of family size potato chips by the pool when I was 3
  3. One time after a guy slept over, the next morning I decided to eat oatmeal and while I was eating oatmeal, he asked if I was kosher. He still texts me till this day
2 more...
Pretty confused
  1. If I agreed to a relationship the other day
  2. Why people hate on raisins in trailmix. Have you ever had an m&m, peanut, and raisin in one bite? It's a nice combo. Why isn't there a peanut/raisin m&m yet?
  3. What I want for breakfast tomorrow
  4. Who I am
  1. You ordered a "taco in a bag." They had no more nacho cheese Doritos
  2. You cried