Formerly featuring a certain point guard who burned every bridge on the team twice
  1. Brook Lopez
    A deadly post game and an obsessive love of comic books. My spirit animal.
  2. Kenyon Martin
    The kind of player I delude myself into thinking I would be like if I were a foot taller and had really big muscles. Thunderous dunks and murderous defense.
  3. Lucious Harris
    He should have started over Kittles. Also, one of the best names of all time.
  4. Richard Jefferson
    I genuinely can't believe he's still playing. I have no idea what he's done the past few years, but he at least used to be an awesome, versatile wingman.
  5. Aaron Williams
    Instant offense off the bench. Way underrated. Did his job and rarely screwed up.
  6. Reggie Evans
    The kind of player I would actually be if I were a foot taller and had really big muscles. Also has a great smile.
  7. Brian Scalabrine
    Widely mocked for his red hair and the bizarre nickname "Veal," Scalabrine nonetheless was kind of an under-the-radar 3-point beast.
  8. Mirza Teletovic
    Kickass nickname ("Fearza"), killer 3 point shot, and an uncanny ability to infuriate LeBron
  9. Kenny Anderson
    Patted my head once