GUYS, REMEMBER THESE THINGS FROM 4 MONTHS AGO?!? (A GUEST POST BY EVAN BRANDMAN, 4 MONTHS OLD)

Riding a wave of nostalgia
  1. Umbilical cords
    Wait, so you're saying all of my nutritional needs were met just by being hooked up to some tube and then you cut the goddamn thing off?!? Growing up sucks.
  2. Boobs
    Obligatory. P.s. No picture attached because of stupid parental controls on my iPhone.
  3. Infant inserts
    Extra padding, extra comfort like whoa
  4. Object impermanence
    Life was way funner when literally everything in front of your face was brand new
  5. Personalized Hospital Tag
    When I wore this bad boy, I was styling and profiling. How many did you guys have?
  6. These hospital blankets
    Stylish, warm, and 100% free. Turns out everyone has these. More ubiquitous than Pogs. Remember Pogs? Seriously, what are they? Anyway I took as many of these blankets as I could carry from the hospital (zero), but my parents took a bunch. Plus the stripes were way baller.
  7. Co-sleepers
    Quintessential co-sleeper memory: making the slightest noise, which gave my parents nervous breakdowns 46 times a night every night! Good times.
  8. The 2nd half of Season 2 of Marvel's Agents of Shield
    I mean, I don't, but neither do my parents because they never got to watch it. Hooray!