Requested by the incomparable @marymurphy, who I wish hadn't abandoned all-caps but that's another story
  1. I would go back in time to like 2013
  2. And I would head over to @dev's lovely Park Slope apartment
    I'M STILL GETTING OVER @Grosstastic AND @dev NEVER COMING BACK, OKAY?!? (Pictured: Not Dev's apartment)
  3. And I would say, "Hey, Dev, I've got this great idea for an app!"
  4. And he'd say, "Oh god, Jake, everyone tells me their shitty app ideas and it's always so awkward when I have to tell them they're terrible."
  5. And I'd say, "No, no, no, for real. Check it out. What if we made an app...FOR LISTS?!?"
  6. And he'd say, "Like...for groceries?"
  7. And I'd say, "NO! NOT FOR GROCERIES! This would be an app for lists about movies and race and cats and Cookie Monster and professional wrestling nomenclature and personal stories and and @joannfabrics parody accounts, each reflecting a crucial aspect of the wonderful, amazing, diverse world we all live in!"
  8. And he'd make this face
  9. And I'd be like, "Fuck, I should have gone back in time and created The Office. Then, I'd have some fucking credibility."