We don't live in a black and white world, comrades. There's a fuckload of gray. And grey.
- •You have been lost in a forest for many hours. It's getting dark. You fear dehydration or other unpleasant ways of dying. A man appears, saying he knows the way out of the forest. As you're deciding whether or not to trust him, he happens to mention that he prefers the prequels to the original trilogy. DO YOU GO WITH HIM?!?
- •You're a paper boy and on this one street are two houses. In one house lives Benito Mussolini (not Hitler, because Hitler jokes are morally WRONG) and in the other lives your childhood friend Adam, who you had a falling-out with in high school and then he left Wesleyan under murky circumstances but according to Facebook, he's really been gettinghis life back together and overall, you have fairly warm, nostalgic feelings towards him. Anyway, you have a newspaper made out of C-4 and you don't know which house belongs to whom. DO YOU THROW THE NEWSPAPER?!?
- •Your friend is an ad executive who's recently been struggling to impress his bosses. He fears for his job. However, his campaign for the Olive Farmers Association, ads saying "Olives Matter," is a big hit with the higher-ups. He doesn't seem to realize that his hit phrase sounds a lot like the alt-right's new favorite phrase. DO YOU TELL HIM?!!
- •A genie appears. He tells you that you have three wishes. Since you are a moral person, you immediately start think of three ways to change the world for the better. While you're thinking, you're pretty sure the genie muttered something anti-Semitic under his breath. DO YOU SAY SOMETHING?!?
- •You write for a MORALLY CORRECT blog that specializes in "explainer" cartoons featuring stick figures that condescendingly tell people that they're doing everything wrong. You suddenly realize your stick figure cartoons are severely under-representing Asian Americans. HOW DO YOU DEPICT AN ASIAN AMERICAN STICK FIGURE UNSTEREOTYPICALLY?!?
- •You have been stabbed by someone in the throes of a psychotic break. If you bleed, you might be contributing to the stigma of mental illness in this country. If you don't bleed, you might be contributing to the stabber's delusions that his actions have no consequences. DO YOU BLEED?!?