STATEMENTS THAT CAN'T POSSIBLY BE TRUE...EVER

We lie...a lot.
  1. "I'm not biased."
    You might not have many biases. You might be unbiased on major issues (race, gender, etc). But you're a fan of some things and despise their opposites.
  2. "I don't have time to do that."
    The people who have time to do something are people who MAKE time to do something. You're too busy? Yeah, right. You'll be anywhere at any time for the right money.
  3. "I don't think Halle Berry is pretty."
    If this statement has ever crossed your mind, you should schedule an MRI immediately. You likely have multiple brain tumors.
  4. "Victoria Jackson was hilarious on SNL."
    She wasn't. In any sketch. Ever.