THINGS I'VE TEXTED MY MOTHER THIS WEEK

it's srsly only tuesday?
  1. "r u suuuure ya want me to rip up that check u sent?"
    miscommunication between the 'rents--dad had already sent me emergency ca$h. mom requested I rip her check up. WAIT BUT WHY THO 😩
  2. "gurl what does bronchitis sound like??!"
    because she's less likely than web MD to tell you ur on the verge of death 💀
  3. "love u. emailed my therapist btw"
    being 25 is weird guys.
  4. "2 weeks clean lolllll"
    when ur mom is worried about you "smoking gandalfs pipe"
  5. "can u send me my dehydrator? and like $500 lol jk?"
    priorities
  6. "I'm an adult baaaaaby"
    I think they say 'self-awareness is next to godliness' p close anyway 🙃