EPIC MARRIAGE FIGHTS
Almost every single argument of my marriage looks totally bogus from the outside. Almost as bogus as using the word "bogus" in 2016. There is real meaning and conflict under the surface, and it's never funny in the moment. But it's funny now. (I think.)
- •The One About Guacamole.We had a financial argument in line at the Division Street Chipotle in Spokane, Washington. Over $1.95 Guacamole. I sobbed in the parking lot & we had to reconsider our entire family budget.
- •The One About the Kayak.This is an ongoing argument regarding my athletic (in)ability. But it peaked when my husband laughed when I said that my ideal day would begin with kayaking. He laughed because he thought I was joking. I cried. Because I was not.
- •The One About the Blue Cake.This one made it all the way to counseling. I refused to get out of the car because I didn't want our counselor to know how dumb and real this fight was.
- •The One About My Socks.I threw my sweater on the ground in anger and stomped to the sink and loudly dropped my fork. That really accomplished a lot in expressing myself clearly to my husband.
- •The One In The McDonald's Drive ThruFairly early on in this fight I yelled, "I AM NOT A MOOSE!" Because I'm eloquent and even-keeled in conflict.
- •The One About the BeetsLong story short, the moral of the story is: Don't try to make me try vegetables in public. Or in private. I will swell up with rage and tears simultaneously. And you will feel so uncomfortable you'll regret ever befriending me. Or you'll be so appalled and intrigued you'll just marry me.
- •The One We Have Every Time We Eat PizzaI believe pizza should be treated like every other part of marriage : shared. And shared equally at that. Drew thinks because he is twice my height and weight that pizzas should be split at least 60/40, while I firmly stand by my belief that they should be 50/50, with the understanding that I will likely feel full and/or generous and be happy to share what I don't finish, but I don't want to cede my rightful portion from the get-go.