I'm a well-informed, pop culture savvy, culturally competent 25 year old. Keep that in mind as you read the next confession: Somehow I've slipped through life without having seen any of the Star Wars films. These are my chronological thoughts and predictions while watching "A New Hope"
  1. These Gollum/Oompa Loompa minions that just shot R2D2 are probably not bad, just confused. Their voices are too cute to be bad. Anybody know who these little red cape guys are working for?
  2. Jk they're bad. They put him in some kind of robot graveyard. Like Toy Story at that bad kid's house with all of the mangled toys.
  3. The whole movie is a prequel to Wall-E.
    They're picking up trash and compacting it just like that little robot.
  4. c3po is the original Siri.
    Low capacity for sarcasm, moderately informative.
  5. Luke and Leia are going to fall in love.
    Girl looks fly on a hologram.
  6. Luke's dad is somebody important
    Just kidding, y'all. I know he's black mask's kid.
  7. The black hooded Snuffalupagus is a spy for Darth Vader
  8. Oh wait. Han Solo & Leia?
  9. Now she kissed Luke before they Tarzan swung across the abyss to get away from the storm troopers. Make up your mind, princess
  10. She just hugged Chewy. Seems platonic but it's too soon to rule anything out.
  11. Mustache pilot is saying too many "see you soon" things. He's for sure going to die.