PLACES I'VE PEED OUTSIDE

  1. On the outer wall of an office building right before a job interview.
    I did not get the job.
  2. On the back tire of my Toyota Corolla while my mom and dad looked the other way.
    We were taking a road trip. It was west Texas at midnight. Running further away was too scary.
  3. In a field in Enugu, Nigeria outside of an outhouse.
    It was by the house where my dad grew up. But sorry, Dad, the outhouse smelt bad.
  4. On a hill behind several "fraternity" houses.
    They all say "fraternity" instead of "frat," because "you wouldn't call your country a cunt, would you?" Ugh.
  5. In an alley near L'as du Falafel in Paris.
    I know they have self-cleaning public restrooms all over the city. I know. But I just can't go in them, desolée.
  6. In a pool.
    Come on. We've all done it, don't pretend otherwise.
  7. Behind a dumpster in New York during upfronts with two newly minted showrunners, while holding a pizza.
    The pizza place had no public toilets, so we made the public our toilet.
  8. On the beach, outside a nightclub in Barcelona that wouldn't let me and my friends in because it was "too early," plus we were wearing shorts.
    It was 1am.
  9. There are more places, I'm sure, but this is what comes to mind right now.