REASONS MY STOMACH HURTS

  1. I ate too much cheese.
    And all other lactose-related reasons.
  2. I drank too much coffee.
  3. I've been poisoned by badly washed legumes or vegetables.
  4. Too many spices.
  5. I drank chai tea without adding soy or almond milk.
    Don't know why, but straight chai rarely agrees with me. Probably because it's got too many spices.
  6. I just heard a story about a bone breaking and pushing through the skin.
    Or murder. Or rape. Or suicide. Or a high level of social injustice. Basically anything on Law and Order SVU or the 10 o'clock news.
  7. I'm on my period.
  8. Family.