A long time ago in a land far away
  1. My first apartment.
  2. My friend Jill had come to visit/ stay.
  3. We went shopping at Macy's
  4. And got these fabulous matching cotton bra and panty sets
  5. In red and blue and purple
  6. Perfect for flat chested girls like us.
  7. A few weeks later...
  8. Jill came to the restaurant where I worked.
  9. "Someone stole my underwear".
  10. She told me.
  11. "No they did not".
  12. "You probably lost it".
  13. "Nope". She said.
  14. "I did laundry for the first time today"
  15. And all those new undies I bought are gone".
  16. "Shit" said I
  17. "Let's get a drink."
  18. We have several.
  19. I ask her if anyone was in the laundry room when she put her clothes in.
  20. Yeah the guy who lives below us.
  21. "Was he doing laundry"?
  22. "Ummm ....no"
  23. A few more drinks.
  24. A plan is hatched.
  25. A note is written.
  26. Clean and return all underwear or further action will be taken. Leave all underwear in furthest dryer.
  27. As stealthily as two,now shitfaced, girls can manage, the note is slipped under his door.
  28. Next day.
  29. Hangover.
  30. Then in the afternoon we decide it's time to check.
  31. We don't really expect anything.
  32. But in the dryer...
  33. Are FIFTY pair of women's underwear.
  34. FIFTY 🙀
  35. So we take all the underwear...
  36. And intrude upon the apartment manager's office.
  37. And dump it all on his desk.
  38. He looks at the pile of undies.
  39. He looks at us.
  40. He looks at at the pile.
  41. 👀
  42. "Hey that's my girlfriend's underwear!!!"
  43. We tell our story.
  44. The name of our neighbor turns out to be...
  45. Richard Flake
  46. DICK FLAKE ‼️‼️‼️
  47. Apartment Manager call the cops.
  48. We tell our story again.
  49. Turns out he was a sex offender who hadn't registered in our town when he moved there.
  50. Also found out he was trying to get a mail order bride.😖
  51. And there were a pair of little girls tights among the undies.
  52. So I definitely decided that we weren't assholes for implying that no further action would be taken
  53. And then it was.
  54. Had to throw away all of my underwear that he had taken.