MORE STATUS UPDATES I WANT BJ NOVAK TO SEE BUT HE'S NOT ON FACEBOOK AND THEY'RE TOO LONG TO TWEET

  1. Dear Lord Christ in heaven, enough with the anti-Planned Parenthood insanity. The fetal tissue harvested might help find a cure for cancer and Alzheimer's via stem cell research, which I support 100%. It's not as if they're selling this stuff to African warlords to make white baby soup, which I support 100%
  2. "Aww no, Cool Pope, you were suppose to be like a Daily Kos commenter in Pope form. I can't believe Cool Pope met with some braindead cunt waaaaaa..." Look, if the Pope were one-quadrillionth as modern and sensible as you people wish he would renounce Catholicism
  3. God fucking dammit who the fuck is anonymously faving my tweets? Are you afraid you're going to be in some job interview and they'll be all like "sorry you can't be our CEO because you liked one of Jarrett Grode's tweets about how it's parasol weather again"
  4. I wish to god A Martínez would just say "well that sure was fucking garbage" when they have some dumb fuck on to play samples of horrible new music on KPCC
  5. I asked our 28-year-old segment producer if he got this pun I wrote into the outline for our India episode and the answer was no: "The liquors were almost lost to the ages, but now they're available to every Tamil, D'nesh and Hari under the sun."
  6. They're moving stuff around the office. Someone said "You guys need a dolly?" and someone else said "We got one, we need a blanket" and I said "Dolly and a blanket? How old are you people?" (ps looking for new job hit me up)