THINGS THAT IF YOU WRITE IN A SCRIPT I KNOW YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THEM AND THAT YOU'RE LAME

  1. Someone drops a gun and it goes off
    No. Bullets are not tiny cans of soda. Go learn about firing pins and hammers or just come with me to the range
  2. Someone takes acid and sees talking purple mailboxes
    No. Acid does not make you see things that aren't there; it just gives wall maps extra depth and dimensions and profundity, all covered in fractals
  3. Someone does coke and is still having fun an hour later
    No. Only the first twenty minutes are fun and then you're just spending the rest of the night staving off the suicidal crash
  4. Someone eats a bunch of sugar and then has a "sugar high"
    There is no such thing as a sugar high! If there were, I'd "do sugar" and hope I didn't get arrested. It's only the caffeine in soda that gives you a buzz
  5. Someone ends a phone conversation without saying "goodbye"
    Never had a friend, eh?