TERRIBLE THINGS I HOPE HAPPEN TO FRONTIER AIRLINES

My flight to Atlanta left 5 hours late and I'm heated.
  1. I hope you and your best friend get into a fight and the whole 7th grade class takes her side so you have to switch schools and start fresh
  2. I hope your crush never texts back
  3. I hope you volunteer to host thanksgiving at your house and fuck up the turkey and your sweet potato pie is trash and your family talks shit about you for years to come
  4. I hope your mom changes her mind and doesn't let you go out even though she said you could earlier
  5. I hope you save up for 6 months to buy the new rose gold iPhone and the day you get it you trip over your own feet on the way out the Apple Store and the screen cracks into a million pieces
  6. I hope your ex writes a song dragging you and it tops the charts, even the acoustic version
  7. I hope you're walking down the street after a night out with the girls and you're feeling yourself thinkin you cute and a strong gust of wind knocks your wig off center and you finally run into the man of your dreams and he curves you cuz your hairline is shifted 12 degrees too far
  8. And lastly, Trashtier Airlines, I hope everybody I know participates in the joyous act of self-love and doesn't ever entrust you with their transportation needs.
  9. That is all.