THINGS THAT WOULD MAKE MY LIFE 1000X EASIER IF I WOULD JUST FUCKING DO THEM

I hate myself
  1. My homework
    I had to drop a class I needed because I went to Spelman/Morehouse homecoming in Atlanta the weekend before the 10-page midterm paper was due and lost myself to the HBCU magic instead of writing the paper and ended up turning in some shit that was so trash my professor kindly suggested I drop the class before the drop deadline.
  2. Work out
    Self-explanatory.
  3. Call my family
    Instead I succumb to the crippling fear of becoming irreparably distant from my family...and still don't call.
  4. Wrap my hair
    I deserve to be bald.
  5. Exfoliate
    Me: *complains about dry rough skin* *does absolutely nothing about it*
  6. Drink water
    It's really not that hard yet I let my body get so dry it can no longer produce tears.
  7. Stop spending money
    If I spend $50+ at Red Lobster (yes I did this) and don't check my bank account does it make a sound?