What I've Learned After 8 Weddings in One Year

With 5 more looming on the horizon...
  1. Probably a bad idea for your first song to be Brick House.
  2. Do not, under any circumstance, ever ever eat fondant.
  3. Write your own vows. Say them. People find them meaningful. If you're opposed to saying them in public, maybe don't have a wedding and just throw a party?
  4. You will spend a third of your income on weddings from age 25 to 35. Just accept it.
  5. Bachelor / bachelorette parties are optional.
  6. Book travel in advance. Especially hotels.
  7. Registries are great. But so are thoughtful non-registry gifts (that can save you money).
  8. The worst wedding dress is a boring wedding dress.
    Not equating classy with boring.
  9. Make friends with the bartender. It will come in handy for when they "run out of bourbon."
  10. If you're gonna get low with the mother of the bride make sure you're wearing pants that won't tear halfway down.
  11. Cute dress shoes for dancing? No such thing.
  12. But cute thicker socks can do wonders for blisters.
  13. If you request Mariah and the d.j. says "Mariah who?" gather your things and leave immediately. IMMEDIATELY.
  14. If properly used, photo booths can be a decent to good opportunity for new profile photos.
  15. Ten toasts is too many. One is too few. Two? Three?
  16. Humor goes a long way when giving a toast.
  17. So does brevity. And keeping inside jokes to a minimum.
  18. Definitely okay to pick your best man according to his toast-giving abilities.
  19. Special place in hell for people who steal your ubers at the end of the night.
  20. If they don't care to send thank you cards you probably shouldn't have gone to their wedding in the first place.
  21. Oh, and try your best to make this face when posing for your friend's wedding photo.