Relatively Inconsequential Purchases I Nevertheless Regret

  1. The $3 sandalwood candle I bought at the North Hollywood Target's dollar spot in 2015
    They draw you in because they're so cheap but there is no way that candle was worth $3. Actually it was more with tax. I tried to burn a candle and metaphorically burned myself.
  2. The $45 Iron Maiden tee shirt I bought at some hip store that also sold crystals on Melrose
    It's a very soft tee shirt, I'll give it that much. And I do listen to Iron Maiden. But let's be honest, I bought it because it makes me look cool (it really does).
  3. The $5 Miller High Life I bought last night at Sassafras Saloon whilst on a date that was set up for me with a boy named Kyle
    This has nothing to do with the date itself, or the location, or how the night went. I am a PBR girl and now am questioning how I define myself- loyalty is no longer a trait I can claim. Also the beer got warm quickly and there was karaoke at the bar.
  4. The $35 vintage Giuseppe Zanotti brown peep toe pumps I bought in my 'maybe peep toe pumps are my thing' phase
    The phase lasted one day because my toes look like fat sausages smushed together in peep toe pumps.
  5. The $8 pack of Biore nose strips I bought in 2013 when I was convinced I could cleanse my soul from the outside in
    My soul is still as dirty as my nose.
  6. The $35 dollar stuffed Winnie-The-Pooh I bought with all my saved allowance at Disney World when I was seven
    My sister got a smaller, cheaper Winnie-The-Pooh and was just as happy in the end as I was. Seven year old me realized that it wasn't extraneous material goods that determine the quality of your life, and I made a vow to stop spending money on little things that wouldn't impact my life. That shit adds up.