Steps to successfully gentrify a neighborhood near you!

  1. Step 1 - Location. Make sure the community is at least 90% down on it's luck. Piss poor city services, little to no resources, and shitty schools. (Corrupt city government is always plus!)
  2. Step 2 - Hipsters. You'll need hipsters, brave hipsters. These folks will be your infantry to test the waters. This group runs the risk of being robbed on regular basis and does not mind suspect accommodations. If the vast majority of them survive, you're in business.
  3. Step 3 - Name. Rename the neighborhood. If it's just known as the "eastside" or "the corridor" rename it something catchy like "east loop" or "core-town". The last thing you want is to be associated with the old/ current neighborhood.
  4. Step 4 - Art. Every gentrified community has plenty of murals. Please make sure the artists are NOT local. This is key to begin setting your precedence of non-inclusion.
  5. Step 5 - Entrepreneurship. A Coffee shop. A brewery. A bike shop. A urban farm. A nonprofit (your non profit doesn't actually have to do anything, just sit around and use the word "sustainable" as often as possible.)
  6. Step 6 Construction. You won't be able do this step on your own, you'll need to to enlist the help of venture capitalists, investors, state government - that has actually had their radar on this area for while. So interesting enough, it will work out perfectly.
  7. Step 7 Displacement. This is key. The last thing you want is the people that have lived in this neighborhood for decades hanging around while you're riding your fixie or jogging. They need to go. There's a few ways this can be done, but just know this is the most important step.
  8. Step 8 - Nice Stuff. Now that the riff raffs are gone, you can now open something really nice. A restaurant is always a good idea, just make sure the staff does not look or talk like anyone that use to live in the neighborhood.
  9. Step 9 - MAWP. Now it's time to call in the big guns.. MAWP (Middle aged white people). By now your neighborhood is getting plenty of "buzz", and the MAWP's have heard about the cheap real-estate and delightful restaurants. They want in, so invite them down.
  10. Step 10 - Move. Because obviously you can't afford this neighborhood. The MAWP's have full reign. Doesn't matter now anyway, because everything that made the area cool in the first place is long gone. But you're in luck, because about 14.5% of Americans live below the poverty line - which means there's plenty of opportunity!