MY PLANTS

What?! You said one time I got drunk in the middle of the day and staged a fabulous photo shoot of all my plants against a leopard print Snuggie?! (Ok, sure. I did this for one of my last posts on the Hairpin as a final act of being-embarrassing-at-work. The Times then linked to it my job announcement. Here's an update, including some new plants.)
  1. Peanut Butter
    My first adult plant, given to me from a friend, given to her in exchange for some vegetables at a Greenmarket. Peanut Butter is a geranium and tall as shit and blooms beautiful red flowers and I know I need to repot him soon but I'm dreading it!!!!
  2. Farley Granger
    This plant is mad cute, just like him.
  3. Lisa Vanderpump (now deceased)
    My boyfriend got this to congratulate me on my new job. I had just discovered the gift that keeps on giving: Vanderpump Rules. This plant smelled good, and LV looks like she smells good, so it made perfect sense. Sadly my boyfriend never told me what type of plant she was and I watered her too infrequently and then she died. I'm still not done with Vanderpump Rules, so if this reflects the show: no spoilers.
  4. Louis Armstrong and His Hot Five
    Mad plants in a tiny pot, just like Satchmo and his crew.
  5. Zapp Brannigan
    SORRY LEELA LOVERS: Zapp Brannigan is Futurama's best character. The weird thing is that the plant is never thirsty, unlike his namesake.
  6. Simon and Garfunkel
    You *really* didn't think I wouldn't name one of my plants after the best folk rock duo the world has ever seen ESPECIALLY when one of them is mad taller than the other???
  7. Not a plant, just an animal that fucked up my photo shoot.
  8. "Bamboo"
    (I always forget about this plant oops)
  9. Chirlane McCray and Anita O'Day
  10. Jellz
    Around the same time I got Peanut butter, my roommate, "Kellz," got her first plant. I let her sit her plant next to Peanut Butter ON THE SOLE CONDITION we call them "Peanut Butter and Jellz." On Mother's Day, I went out and bought a balloon and put it in her room and said it was from Jellz (in an only mildly creepy way) and yet she FORGOT ABOUT HIM. He is still not that well, tbh.
  11. Frank???
    I got this plant from IKEA -- my first big adult plant! -- and I want a dope name for it but I saw it and immediately thought "Frank" and now I can't shake it???