MY SISTERS, RANKED

Last year, I wrote a piece for the Hairpin about finally becoming friends with my four younger sisters (http://thehairpin.com/2014/12/sisters-ranked) called "Sisters, Ranked." I reread it last weekend and thought I should actually rank my sisters. Don't tell them.
  1. 1.
    Javonda
    Ok, so I don't really have a favorite sister, but Javonda is definitely the sweetest. She speaks softly and her naivety about the world is somehow endearing, not frustrating. Her love is genuine. She has the best cateye technique I've ever seen, and better style than all of us combined. She insists that I am rich and powerful, and always asks if I want to use her American Apparel employee discount.
  2. 2.
    J'Mari
    J'Mari is my youngest sister and she is the funniest human being I've ever had the pleasure of being yelled at by. She is astoundingly quickwitted and has the funniest Twitter in the world (it is mostly live tweets of syndicated episodes of Full House. No one loves anything as much as J'Mari loves Full House). She always wakes up before everyone else to watch TV by herself, which I think is the only way to deal with 4 older sisters. #selfcare
  3. 3.
    Jermane
    Jermane is fucking terrible but she is the only person in the world who gets 80% of my jokes (if she watched 30 Rock, it'd be a WRAP). She is deeply religious, and while I don't understand it, I admire it. Her love for small children knows no bounds; in church, when we were younger, she was a celebrity when she walked by the nursery. She also went natural 4 years before I did and has endless knowledge; her twist-out game is on point. She is my surest sister.
  4. 4.
    Javonne
    Javonne is frustrating, in a way that reminds me of me. She is SO fashionable and a little Instagram famous; she is very sweet and loving and always wants a hug. Recently she called me re: a big life change: "I asked mom and dad but I just wanted to check with you." I'll never forget it. She's definitely on top of #hotteentrends, and she sends me the best wine-enthusiast memes and Parks and Rec videos. She calls me "Professor." She's my coolest sister.
  5. 5.
    Me
    I'm OK.