WAYS I MIGHT BE ABLE TO MAKE FRIENDS ON HERE

  1. Nudes
  2. A free New York Times digital subscription
  3. Cooling it on the Art Garfunkel thirst???? (But no, right?)
  4. Align my chakras. Look deep within myself. Listen to my inner goddess. She cries, "find your chill. Find your chill, and apply to it all aspects of your life, including and especially your eyeliner game and meeting cool girls when you're drunk."
  5. Get a cool surgery (foot?)
  6. Block out the sun to bring disorder and chaos to my town (Simpsons did it)
  7. Finally start watching the Simpsons
  8. Meth?