1. Skin will def clear up, that's for sure
  2. I'll always get a seat on the subway
  3. One day Kim Kardashian will scroll through Twitter, see one of my tweets, pause, then continue scrolling because it was a dumb one about pigeons or something but for a SPLIT SECOND I will occupy her mind
  4. Half-off my student loans (being funny IS a public service, Obama)
  5. Bigger tits
  6. Always at least one pity fave